Cheslie Kryst, the Miss USA 2019 winner, who committed suicide on January 30, 2022, suffered from impostor syndrome and high-functioning depression, according to her new memoir, co-written by her mother, April Simpkins.
Cheslie Kryst revealed that the online hate added to her long-standing insecurities and triggered her imposter syndrome
Despite having a law degree, an MBA, the Miss USA title, and a successful career, Cheslie believed she “wasn’t good enough” and “didn’t belong.” She struggled to cope with the pressures of success. The hardest part was the trolling she received shortly after earning the Miss USA crown in 2019.
In her memoir, Cheslie revealed that the online hate added to her long-standing insecurities and triggered her imposter syndrome. According to People, an excerpt from the memoir reads, “All of this only added to my long-standing insecurities—the feeling that everyone around me knew more than I did, that everyone else was better at my job, and that I didn’t deserve this title. People would soon find out I was a fraud. I felt like an imposter, but not just in pageants.”
Another excerpt from the memoir read, “Winning Miss USA hadn’t made my imposter syndrome go away. Instead, I was waiting for people to realize I didn’t have a clue about what I was doing. I’d perfected how to deal with that feeling in competition or in small doses— I could compartmentalize anything in short bursts. I’d immediately focus my thoughts on positive statements of power, but that only lasted for so long.”
The biography also describes the horrible moment when Cheslie’s mother discovered that her daughter had committed suicide. She received a text from Cheslie that read, “First, I’m sorry. By the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore, and it makes me even more sad to write this because I know it will hurt you the most.”
Reflecting on her daughter’s struggle with mental health, April wrote in the memoir, “[My] daughter was a fighter and yet she was gone. Every day, she’d fight persistent depression until she couldn’t fight anymore. Despite the many ways depression tried to rob her of joy, with near-constant headaches, loneliness, hopelessness, sadness, and a feeling of unworthiness, she still found a way to smile, love, and give.”
The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness will be released on April 23. Proceeds from the memoir will benefit the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, which promotes mental health programs for young adults.