Psychologists uncover the most important phrase used in every successful relationship

Psychologists uncover the most important phrase used in every successful relationship. We can probably all agree that relationships are difficult even in the best of circumstances. Getting from a right swipe on Tinder to a first date and then sailing into the ‘formal relationship’ zone can feel a lot like crossing a gauntlet that you’ve been woefully underprepared for.

Is there a phrase that can save your marriage? If not saved, then at least enriched. It may surprise you, but there is such a term; it is ‘thank you’.

Thank you is the number one phrase used in successful relationships

Thank you is the number one phrase used in successful relationships, according to Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, clinical psychologists, researchers, and co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab.

The couple, who have been married for 35 years, write for CNBC that “we know a thing or two about successful relationships,” adding that “as psychologists, we’ve studied more than 40,000 partners about to begin couples therapy.”

They claim that while each partnership is unique and faces its own set of obstacles, the one thing they all have in common is “we want to be appreciated. To be acknowledged for our efforts. We want to be seen”. This is why a thriving relationship requires “an enthusiastic culture of appreciation”.

We use the phrase frequently in our daily lives; from saying it to the stranger who stopped the lift for you to the coworker who bought you a coffee, it is second nature for most of us.

However, according to the psychologist pair, that is not the case in a relationship “It’s easy to fall into the trap of only seeing what your partner is not doing. You develop a narrative where you’re the one putting in all the effort, and you start to believe it’s true.”

They advise that to be free of this “poison thinking” spouses need to establish a new perspective, where they scan their partner for positives and only say “thank you”.